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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?